Why me

2003-06-10T08:47:00.000-05:00

so wendy got back last night. it was nice to know that there was another humanbeing in my house last night. you know she has been gone almost three weeks. that's three weeks of me having to stay in that house alone at night, which i really hate doing, so i was glad when she came back. even if she did tell me that some of my "friends" had been talking about me and chaz behind our backs. you know that just aint cool. if you have something to say about someone you should say it to their face. and apparently some people have been misled by my last post. someone asked wendy last night if chaz had been staying here. they said that my last post made it sound as though he was. so i reread my post i didnt get that opinion, of course im probably bias since i know he hasnt been staying here and i know what i meant by what i wrote. i really hate living in a small town. people have nothing better to do than talk about other people, it just aint cool. there is also a rumor going around that two of our friends are dating each other. neither one had told me or chaz about so when i talked to one of them about it, to find out if it was true, she mistook me for pouncing on her, when thats not what i intended, i just wanted to know if it was true, and to let her know what had been said. i just dont understand people.

2003-05-30T07:46:00.000-05:00

IM BACK.......

so i have been gone from the blogger world for awhile. im sorry, but life caught up with me. well school is out for the semester, i didnt do as well as i wanted to, but i still passed all of my classes. the theology majors at my school always crack on us education majorss saying that we are taking coloring 101, but these education classes are a lot harder than people would think. i mean for a 2 hour classes we have at least twice as much work for most of the 3hr classes that everybody esle has to take. i have turned 20 so im no longer a teenager, that's kinda cool. me and chaz just got back earlier this week from visiting family. he finally got to meet my parents. they loved him. he met all of my family on my mom's side except for like 2 aunts, 6 cousins, and my brother. *my mother is the youngest of 7 girls, all of which have at least 2 - 4 kids, i have a large family* . wedding plans are coming together nicely. i no longer work at subway which im very glad about, i now babysit my niece abby. this reminds me how much im not ready for one of my own. me and chaz have 2 more cats now. they belonged to our friends teresa and logan, but teresa is pregnant and does not need to be around cats, they can give her some sort of an illness. plus they will be moving into married housing in the spring, so they wouldnt be allowed to have them anyways so they went ahead and gave them to us. one of the cats, got out on the first night staying with us, and hasnt come in since, that has been almost 2 weeks ago. she is still around and we see her from time to time but she wont get close enough to come in. but we make sure she has food, so she isnt going hungry. the other cat, doc, he is adjusting well. he actually slept in my bed last night, so i guess he is used to me now. but other than all this crap, there really is nothing going on. maybe ill be able to blog more often now. peace.

2003-05-28T22:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Rosie!

So I don't really write here anymore but I had to wish Rosie a happy 20th! Hey you're not a teenager anymore!

2003-04-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

so its down to the wire....

we have entered the last weeks of school. i still havent got what i need done done yet. i have been so busy lately, this is the first time ive been on the internet in like a week and a half. i have been a bit sick lately, ear infection, those are always fun. i had an appointment today at the health department, to get on birthcontrol so i dont have to worry about having kids when i get married in august. i saw my advisor today so all i have to do is pay my bill and i can register for classes. hopefully i will get the classes i need. ok i need to get some sleep. ill try to blog a little more often than i have been. after finals are over im sure i will have more time for this blog thing. peace.

2003-04-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

wow im such a slacker....

so i havent blogged lately, not that i have a boring life and dont have anything to say, it is the opposite, i have a very busy life and just didnt have time to type a blog. my niece is back, i missed her so much, she has grown. i have a new job, so i can quit my job at subway. im putting in my notice tomorrow. plans are slowly coming together for the wedding. my female friends are planning a shower, this fact scares me, there aint no telling what they will get me. pretty much all my friends are making care packages for me and chaz, mostly for me, but they said chaz should enjoy it. i have some disturbing friends. the semester is coming to a close soon, and i havent done nearly enough. i have to crack done on my professional readings and my observations. i also need to write my psych paper that i have no idea what to write about. any ideas??????? but i havent been getting much sleep this week so im going to hit the hay. night all.

2003-03-31T21:38:00.000-06:00

so spring break is offically over... darn. spring break was good, a much needed rest time.... i didnt get nearly enough of my homework done but thats ok... i have to buckle down now. i was able to talk to my bro last night. i told him about my engagement. he told me that him and his wife are getting divorced. me and chaz are slowing working on wedding plans. we have a start of an invitation list. we have registered at walmart. we have the church, and someone to counsel us. we already have our attendents and hte preacher *my daddy*. i know what i want as far as the bridesmaid dresses go, and the flowers. i think we have pretty much decided on colors and things like that. we decided on what classes we want to take next semester. we just have to see how things go from here.

2003-03-25T14:51:00.000-06:00

So I'm gunna lay off the blog scene a bit. a few old friends finally hooked me into livejournal... Lemme see how I fare there and if it stays decent I might ask Rosie to link it. Otherwise sorry for the lack of updates - she's gone for the week with Chaz and Teresa and Logan and I'm busy with homework (or should be) and housework and my other obsession ;)

Later

-out

2003-03-22T14:29:00.000-06:00

insanity

So I went on this Jam last night to Richard Dukes church. It was crazy... most of the normal Jam people were gone so Treeva was leading and then McCleod did music with Jed and Tyler. I scared people doing dumb as a stick. Rich Clark (see the Dead Yet Living link btw) and Scott and Tyler did Sunday Bloody Sunday by Evergreen Terrace. Got home at 8 AM at which I fell promptly asleep (okay I slept a little in Treeva's car on the way home)... All in all a great night. I got to spend some time with the youth there, a little one on one and a lot of acting crazy stuff... It was definitely a good refocuser.. I love seeing youth really worship. That's where my heart in ministry is. I guess it's good going to a different setting sometimes to just get a fresh outlook. I've just been getting back on track with ministry stuff at Ridgecrest, I feel like I let my youth down a lot over the last couple months. I know I let God down a lot. However, Satan would still love to use that to make me feel guilt and tie me down to it so I can't let him have that o just gotta do the repent thing and 180 it. Speaking of... it's definitely time for me to get on the ball gunna clean house today. Whee.

2003-03-19T22:53:00.000-06:00

official

so our country is at war with Iraq, granted i dont like this but it is about time we do something about sadam. i worry about my family who is in the military. talk of the draft being reinstated has me on edge too. i know im selfish but i dont want my friends to go. they mean far too much to me, i would hate for anything to happen to them.
but on a happier note, Chaz and I are engaged, we will be getting married in August. i talked to my parents tonight, they are both really really happy. however i have this nightmare that if i let my mom help too much it will end up being like My Big Fat Greek Wedding in the flesh. SCARY. but i did find out that my aunt linda will be in g'ville in april and she plans on helping me with the wedding plans, such as flowers, cake, stuff like that. my dad is going to do the ceremony and im going to ask my uncle to take pictures most likely, since both me and chaz are poor we cant afford to hire a professional. but my uncle takes wonderful pictures. so me and chaz have a lot of planning to do before august. but hey its worth it.

2003-03-17T22:24:00.000-06:00

so with all the talk about war, i called my parents tonight to find out what my dad is doing. needless to say they couldnt tell me, but he is safe and so is my brother, im really happy about this, but i still have fear in the back of my mind. but me and my mom had a good conversation about things that are coming up in my life. she is really looking forward to may, when me and chaz will most likely be going down to clewiston, im looking forward to it myself, i miss my family. my mother put my one year old neice on the line, she said i love you aunt rosie, i almost cried. i miss that little squirt. she will be coming home in a week or so. abs starting crying when she couldnt find me, poor kid, i cried at that. mom said that abs doesnt even get that upset when angie *my sister and her mother* calls. i told mom it is probably cuz abs spends more time with me. i really do miss my neice, even if she does wack me in the head with her sippy cup in the mornings when ang drops her off at my house before she goes to work. but on a more serious note, our dear old testament professor Dr. J. W. Lee needs are prayers. he is very sick. he has cancer, very serious form of it, he emailed my parents to tell them about it *my dad had him a few years back and dr. lee really liked him so they keep in touch so he told my dad about it*. everybody at the school is upset about the fact that dr. lee is sick, he is a good man and very much loved by all at the school. just pray that God will heal him, nobody else can.

2003-03-16T20:36:00.000-06:00

Mom sent this to me - I think I'm supposed to be offended... oh well Spring cleaning is gunna have to wait til Spring Break - I did a LOT this weekend it's just not really noticible.. I clean in a weird way... Oh well I'm not gunna get my exegesis done for tomorrow either - I can't believe how bad I'm slacking. Two New Testament exams this week, not to mention the lit exam I bombed last Friday... Then the forementioned late exegesis and then the exegesis due Friday... and of course I'll slightly distract myself with my very focused attentive study session Thursday (that yes, I know, NONE of my friends approve of... ah, well, such is life) Menwhile,I haven't STARTED studying for my Dr. Lee exam that's at 9 AM tomorrow..... oh well.. posting this then studying. Love ya'll

Danny
"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"

2003-03-14T16:57:00.000-06:00

So I've been slacking on the blog thing... and on school work and devotional time and time with my friends and housework and I don't know where my time has gone. I feel so overextended yet like I'm accomplishing nothing. I think I'm going to be anti-social this weekend and work on getting stuff accomplished. I was supposed to go out with Nikki and Kelly tonight - I told them I was bailin. We were going to.... PC.. I was looking for an excuse not to go because of twinge of conscious... I knew what would happen - those of you that I gave full details Monday know why I shouldn't go down - those of you that don't know don't need to. Nothing bad I just was seeking a bad distraction. Anyway in hopes of finding an excuse to not go I asked someone to basically tell me it would hurt them if I did.. or that I had monday... they didn't take bait. It woulda been a good but faulty ego boost if they had. However they encouraged me not to go and spend time like practicing my guitar or something.. I'll probably do that - I've been playing a lot recently - something I didn't make nearly enough time for last semester. So I didn't bail out on a false premise like I woulda liked to but I did make the right decision.. I don't know why I'm typing about all of this anyway. God's been working in my life and I hunger for Him so much but I don't know if I'm taking the time to feed myself. Funny how life has amazing coincidences. My roomie (Rosie, duh) has been yelling at me for not eating lately. I have... just not frequently... like I forget to eat. (Granted it doesn't show and a few missed meals aren't going to hurt me, but I don't wanna do something stupid. I seriously fear eating disorders just because of so many friends who have had them - I'm not anywhere near close to that but it's like I forget I need food.. I think it's Spring. I could blame a lot on Spring I guess. My favorite season is still Fall I think.. but this winter has been so cold. I guess it's being further from the beach and more north and all but it's felt so different.. I'm ready for spring break too - I'll stay here for part of it, do some real work, some of it I'm sure I'll hit st. Auggie.
I'm rambling a lot.. I don't know why ya'll are reading I don't know even what I have to say anymore that's of any importance but if God uses me to say something I'll keep typing... if not don't waste your time, scroll to where it says "rosie" or to the links or something ;).... But I do find my friends freakishly strange. All of them. And I love them all - they're great. But like of "the guys" being like Fozzy, Mike, Chaz, Frank, John... like 3 of them in the past month have said something along the lines of "I at least hope you consider me a friend" and I'm like totally shocked.... I mean one, yeah of course! They're GREAT friends... I mean Geez I'm a tough person to get to open up and I confided heavily in all of them.. or almost all of them at some point. And they let me. Even last week when this struggle should so have been over Frank let me relive it all to him again and was like "I hope you know I'm here too and you can talk to me" and I don't know if any of them know how much they mean to me.... But now I've gone all sappy. My main point in bringing this up was something of utter shock.. like you don't know that I think the world of you guys? Not to imply that any of my guys have low self-esteem or anything but it's like, wow I guess like everyone really wonders if they belong at some point. I wonder how I fit into "our group" sometimes because "the group" (I don't like that term too much can you tell?) was already like "established" last year and I was new... but it's like then I find them wondering how they fit into my life and I wonder if we alll really just have this deep rooted ned and almost fear of "where do I belong?" I've really taken for granted some of my confidence... I really didn't think any of my friends depended on my acceptance of them.. I just accepted them... and maybe now I sound egotistical and or I'm wrong.. it doesn't really matter because it doesn't really elevate me at all, at least not in my mind, but I just never really thought of it that way before... I never thought of them thinking of me that way.. hey maybe they still don't, I've come to outlandish conclusions before. So where does this leave me? I dunno, I still don't know exactly where I fit in, maybe I don't need to know. I know vaguely who considers me a friend and to what extent. I know who I can confide in. But I'm still a weird mix of being a social butterfly and being a-social. I really like quiet nights at home sometimes. I really like one on one time better than group activities sometimes... I can be in a social situation and float from table to table and group to group... maybe I do better with having acquatances rather than friends or I have a million friends and I just don't dwell on the depths of it. Yeah God definitely had a sense of humor when he created me. I think I may just be one completely random paradox.
What you mean you read that whole thing? You expect more profoundness... go away now, Ya'll are weird.

2003-03-13T09:29:00.000-06:00

spring break is about a week away. and im ready for it. im so tired of my classes. unfortunately out plans to go to port st. joe fell through. so it isnt going to be the entire group together. teresa, logan, chaz, and myself will be spending the week with teresa's parents, logan's parents, and chaz's parents. we would visit mine but they live in san diego ca. so i have to wait until may to see them. which will be chaz' first time meeting them as well. im really tired of school right now. i dont like my classes. i only enjoy one of them and that one is only once a week. im just about ready to give up, but i dont because i know i wont have a future if i dont finish school and get my degree. i dont want to work at subway or something like it for the rest of my life. oh yeah, a lady at my church says that there might be a job avaible getting houses ready to sale available for a group of people if me and chaz, teresa, and logan were interested. of course we were, extra money is always good, esp when you dont have any at the moment. hopefully this will work out and i will be able to make some money, i need it badly.

2003-03-11T02:20:00.000-06:00

I've learned a number of valuable lessons today.. Some good some bad... many very very painful. Most of you already know about the worst of them... However one tidbit that I would like to spare you all from is the following:
The gulf is REALLY cold this time of year. It hasn't realized it's March yet. ESPECIALLY at 10:30 at night.

Okay I just wanted ya'll to know that.
-out

2003-03-09T21:46:00.000-06:00

well that is just poopy as teresa would say, blogger ate the first half of the following post. and the bad thing is i dont remember what i said in the first half of that post. i cant even finish the sentence that the following blog begins with. so sorry.
remind me to use internet explorer when i plan on posting, netscape just sucks.

2003-03-09T21:43:00.000-06:00

e more hours. but even with the stress i have in my life right now with money issues and school work that im so far behind with, im really very happy. the happiest i have been in a really really long time. actually i cant remember the last time i was this happy. but i really do need to buckle down and do my school work. the only class im really behind in is my education 2001 class. and i need to do vocab for my psych class other than that im not to to behind, but im not where i should be. i realized tonight that i really miss my niece. she has been in CA for a month. im used to seeing her everyday. i help my sister take care of her. on sundays i watch abs, while my sis is at work, it is the only time abs gets to go to church, granted she is only a year old, but get in church whille they are young. and since my typing has gottne progressively worse thourghout this blog im just going to stop herer forh the night.
have a good night and God bless.

2003-03-06T23:31:00.000-06:00

Jolly Ranchers are good....

that's all... really... that's all I'm blogging...

Okay that's a lie... All of you would be so horribly disappointed if I didn't blog something long and meaning~~less~~ful...

hehe.. So Rosie and I had the "Am I a horrible flirt" conversation again tonight.. She accused me of flirting with Ryan - I wasn't... was I? I'm tame, innocent...okay lies all lies but I'm really not all that bad.. I really don't try to flirt all that much - I try not to... so am I? That's the official question for the comment field tonight...

Now some spiffy lyrics - the first I found recently (thanks, Ryan) the second I've had a long time but I love it:

What do I do
I saw this band
I didn't buy their tape but I wish I had
They didn't sound like everybody else
What would all the people say
Would they turn their heads and walk away
Just because I tried to be myself
Cover your ears
Close your eyes
You might enjoy yourself so close your mind
Don't let your friends see you try to be yourself
Don't even think about tryin' somethin' else

~~~~~~~~~~

Mirror mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror mirror lie to me

Why don't I like the girl I see
The one who's standing right in front of me
Why don't I think before I speak
I should have listened to that voice inside me
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
To say the kind of things I said last night

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back, bring my baby back to me

If only wishes could be dreams
And know my dreams could come true
There would be two us standing here in front of you
If you could show me that someone that I used to be
Bring back my baby, my baby to me

2003-03-04T00:54:00.000-06:00

edify, stupid!

No seriously that was written on one of the tables in Ray Hall on the littler sticker thingy on the table... It made me laugh during music class though... Like just... yeah.. I mean it was an obviously intentional thing but ... hey I mean it's conducting and stuff- something has to amke it more interesting....

So tonight I was trying to expand my musical horizons... or else I just hate all things popular... well I don't necessarily.. I like some things that are popular - I just usually don't like the fact that they bocome popular...I won't get on that soapbox now though.. I'm sure most poeple feel like that about something or another -it cheapens it somehow...

So tonight in my quest to find mew music I messaged a few friends sought a few people out for suggestions of things that met my requirements... I finally found nothing so I IMed this guy... Jake?... that someone had given me his screen name one a long time ago along with his profile... I wasn't home when they did and I didn't really talk to them after so I just added his name to my buddy list til I was directed to do something with it...

So tonight I IM this guy who's never heard of me... also never heard of my friend who gave me his name... how freaky... But anyway before I get around to explaining to him how I have his name or who I am I just ask him who his favorite non-mainstream band is (great opening line doncha think?)... What I got wasn't bad.. I'll have to try that again... Hey Mitch, can you give me the names of some random people I don't know that might have good music taste? Thanks a bunch!

Ha I'm done for the night.
-out

2003-03-02T14:15:00.000-06:00

so i had the house to myself this weekend, since wendy went home for something called the EDGE. friday night i worked, the only day i had on the schedule for this week. yesterday, i went to chipley with teresa, logan, and chaz. we ate at the new mexican place, then when to walmart. then i went back home and cleaned. and i did a good job to, the house looks great. hopefully it will stay like this. teresa went home and took a nap. logan and chaz went to dothan, and had some adventures. then last night we all were over at chaz's house playing the game. chaz gave me an eeyore that is dressed up for halloween that he bought at out on a whim. i thought it was really really cute *i love eeyore, he's my favorite*. then this morning we went to church, we will be going back to church tonight. and i think im fixing to call up chaz and see if he wants to do something. but i loved having the house to myself for the weekend. not something i would want to do on a daily basis. i dont like being alone at night, it makes me nervous.

2003-02-27T20:09:00.000-06:00

Happy 1000 Hit

so my blog has finally gotten 1000 visitors. i never thought i would reach that when i first started this blog in October. of course i didnt really expect that I would keep up with posting and stuff. but i have come to the conclusion that it is a good way to vent. so i was talking Justin earlier today. he was telling us about his new job. i was so so tempted to go and put in an application. it would have been a lot of money for me. but my sweet and wonderful boyfriend talked some sense into me. there is no way i could have done this job and still be in school. esp since everybody starts out on the 3rd shift which is 11pm-7am. i have to be at school on MWF at 9. this would mean, go to work, get off, go to school, go home and do homework, sleep for a couple of hours, go back to work. i would have worn myself out. it wouldnt have been good. but that money was so tempting. so i think i might apply for a summer job there. i could save alot of money and bnot have to worry to much about not getting many hours during the school term, that is if i save enough. that much money would be nice. oh well. i just wish i could find another job.

2003-02-25T19:46:00.000-06:00

ARGH!!

so i only work one day this week again. at least i have one more hour than i did this past week for a grand total of 5 hours. i dont know what my manager is thinking. i cant pay bills on that. plus i having to pay the school every payday. i just dont have it. so i dont know how im going to come up with the money to go with the rest of the group to port st. joe for spring break. i just need to get married so my pell grant will go up and i will have one less thing to worry about paying. * i really dont think this i just thought it would be funny*. so i have been going through all of my Cd's and songs on my comp that i have downloaded trying to find *a song*. im not having much luck. but i have found some good ones that might prove to be the one im looking for. i got up early today so i could do my homework. i got a lot accomplished, everything that needed to be turned in *even the late stuff* i got done, except professional readings, and hte only reason why i didnt get those done is because i didnt have any articles. but i really need to get on the ball, i have been so distracted and procrastinating all the time. plus i have been sick, but im finally better, so now i think i can get caught up, i hope so at least, i cant afford to get any bad grades. if i did there goes my scholarships, and there goes college. i cant go to school without scholarships, cuz i cant afford it and my parents cant either. we are poor, my mom is sick, and i work at subway getting min wage with only 5 stinking hours this week. but im not bitter about it, that is just more time i can spend with chaz and the rest of my friends. but i really really need the money. and i know this blog is really whiny sounding, but i had to get it off my chest before i went insane *and no im not there yet*. anyways, it is time for smallville *almost at least*. peace

2003-02-25T18:16:00.000-06:00

YAY!!!!!!!

So with MUCH thanks to Fozzy, my computer has been resurrected.. No more me and Rosie having to share (Oh she's rejoicing too). So my minds been real flitty all day so I haven't started on my report due tomorrow... so as soon as I find my keys (see flitty) I'm going to Dothan, picking up a couple things (hehehe) and the movie for my report... Cliff is a good man. His notes are very helpful ;) Other than that I've done virtually nothing today... This weekend and yesterday were so go go go I think I needed a down day. My backs still a little sore from this weekend I gotta quit thinking I'm all buff and stuff ;)

So I'm REALLY especially excited. I got an email from Mason today. He wants my help for Disciple Now this weekend. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited - I've really missed those youth. He wants me to be with the High School girls. That's Really awesome. We're doing a video scavenger hunt Saturday - should be interesting. I guess I really hadn't realized how much I missed that ministry. I mean I work with the youth at Ridgecrest and love them.. but I.. I dunno I was *needed* at Anastasia... I grew up there too of course so it was comfortable.. Ridgecrest it's like Yeah we can use your help.. um.. hang out.... Which yeah hanging with the youth is cool and it's ministry, and I know God put me in that church for a reason.. I did not make that decision lightly.. I just.. I dunno I'm REALLY excited about being at Anastasia this weekend. The EDGE! Oh wow.. I've missed that. Last month Ten Sheckel Shirt led- I shoulda gone home for that.. I forgot why I didn't... homework most likely.

Okay I digress, I'm still really happy though. okay, find keys, go to dothan, dye hair, do report, dye hair, do other homework, then bed. Easy night.
-out

2003-02-23T12:15:00.000-06:00

More wisdom from today's theologians:

"paper, or plastic, don't matter, she'll have it
Vacations and shopping sprees these are a few of her favorite things
She'll get what she wants.... there's nothing for free
Girls dont' like boys, girls like cars and money. Boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny.
And these girls like these boys like these boys like these girls
The girls with the bodies like the boys with Ferarris
Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money" - Good Charlotte
(Granted not totally true... but really funny)

"I called your name today but no one answers anymore
You turned and ran away like someone came and locked the door
Paper peices layin on the floor
I fall to peices now the coffee's black and my heart is sore...

Since you left that day I realized my mind's made up on you
My heart is capsized now and I don't know what I'm gunna do

Pick me up, tape me together... dadadadada
Like paper peices on the floor" -- Michelle Branch

2003-02-22T15:00:00.000-06:00

The Storm - just bring it....

Let me first apologize if I've been in a bad mood lately - I'm still struggling to get past issues but I've been doing much better today and since late last night....Of course yesterday I nearly had to ducttape myself to the loveseat to keep myself from going to Tally. I called a few people I probably shouldn't have... The main one I shouldn't have, then John (in Tally), and then my ex Jason... Then I nearly went to Tally even after John wasn't home and thought about going to Tallahassee - those of you that actually know me I'll fill in the blanks as to my intentions and plans there if you ask (you'll hit me when I fess up though). I however was actually extremely tired (this is why I should do my exegesis before 1:30 AM (well I finished at 130)... so I stayed home and eventually went to sleep early...

I then dwelt on my relationships a little... I have a few very screwed up relationships right now. The most obvious I don't have to mention... then there's my relationship with God. Wow I've let Him down lately. I'm struggling to get right again - I know He'll break me through this and take me someplace deeper and new and more intimate with Him than ever before so bring the fire and melt away the dross - at least that's what I'm finally ascribing the recent fiasco in my life to.

See I had an ephimamy in New Testament Friday (no not when whoever asked if I wanted the professor to have my baby... That was a disturbing conversation... who said that anyway?) I wrote this song a while back... called the Storm... The whole thing was inspired... well the inspiration was funny but the song became to me a serious metaphore for my walk with God.

I love rain. The weather the past few days has been beautiful. I was writing this song about rain back in June or July.. it's my favorite song I've ever written. The song asks for God to send rain... not rain of refreshment, not rains of revival, not rains of... well I dunno... But see the storm is a metaphore for lifes catastrophes... And everytime I am out of that and things go good I start wondering if I can make it on my own... and I try... most people do- we depend on God least when things are going good... But when things go AWFUL I always run crying back to God. That's really what's good about the awful events in our lives... They bring us closer to God. That's the beauty of the storm. So the song asks God to show me the beauty of the storm... it also asks God to bring the storm... I've been singing this since June or July so I really shouldn't be surprised my life just exploded like it did - I've been asking for it! It really just put the last week or so of my life into focus... So I've let go of it - if ya'll hear me dwelling on it or getting depressed about it it feel free to say "Wendy, I thought you let that go"

So now I'm gunna go write a song asking God for an umbrella...

-out

2003-02-20T22:23:00.000-06:00

im such a procrastinator, i have a pysch test tomorrow, that i havent really even started to study for. instead i cleaned house today *which really needed to be done* went to school *even though i didnt go to class* then i went to chipley with mike, frog, jacob, and matt. we went to kfc. that was a lot of fun. i just talked to my mommy, and my dad is supposely in town, i havent seen or heard from him. he better come see me. ill be upset if i dont get to see my daddy

2003-02-20T00:10:00.000-06:00

Actually this is by Wendy the idiot who didn't log into her own name (I really gotta get the guys over here and set up my desk so I can set up my computer so I can not use hers)

So it must be spring... Rosie get's bored and climbs silohs... I get bored I bleach my hair... well not bleach it's just a little lighter... I'll probably do it again this weekend and actually get it blonde again (I haven't done my hair blonde since I did it that auburn so it didn't get way light like it used to... so nothing dramatic and heart stopping...) Oh yeah, ya'll probably have never known me as a blonde... oh well it still ain't.. I'll hafta redo it.. maybe.. I'll leave it like this a couple days...

Let's see other thn that.. I was lightheaded with a bad headache today. I skipped both New Testaments and left Lit right after my report... However I talked to a friend after lit and got some things straightened out which helped a LOT... I still want things I shouldn't but God dealt with me tonight about that... I'm not sure if it's patience or stupidity but I really need to find this chapter in Amos... I gotta move forward... Part of me wants to crawl back into my recesses where I was able to block out the hurt by twisting 1 Corinthians 7... God dealt with me about that a lot in December... so now I can't push it away anymore and hide behind that... it's this whole battling self thing.. when will I ever learn that God's so much more important... but yet that He actually still wants me to be happy and it's okay to accept His blessings...

Extremes... Legalism... Nope the narrow isn't the easy way but there's a balance to it somewhere.

2003-02-19T23:16:00.000-06:00

so i was bored earlier today....... so mike, chaz, and zach decided that they would show me the silos, *im not sure if i spelled that right*. it was definately an adventure. i had a lot of fun besides the fact that i almost had a panic attack when i got on top of one, and my fear of heights hit me big time, i was ok until i went to climb down, im glad mike was up there to give me a hand to get on the ladder or im pretty sure i would have fallen. but mike said he used to be scared of heights until he started to go up there, and now he has conquered that fear so im going to keep doing this, even if i almost pass out every time. i love adventures.

2003-02-19T00:29:00.000-06:00

so today was a pretty good day, except when i got hit in the head with the frisbee, that wasnt really cool. but i must admit it was rather funny. i got an email from mom, my dad might be coming to g'ville in a few days, for an assingment, i hope he can come see me. he will try if he is in this area i know. i also talked to my bro last nite and found out that he wasnt being sent anywhere so i was really happy about that. unfortunately my manager faye, only schedule for 1 DAY this week, that is 4 stinkin hours. i cant pay bills with that. but i had a good day other than that. all i can say is the guy are really cool. and i love them all, yes even frog.

2003-02-18T19:51:00.000-06:00

I'm still in my guy hating mode -- here are a few quotes I found most amusing today... They are meant only for entertainment value... don't base any life altering theology and doctrine on these;) Some are kinda risque - okay I warned you (Oh don't be offended... ya'll know I love you...):

Finding a good man is like nailing jello to a tree.
Boys are great, every girl should own one.
God made mud, god made dirt, god made boys so girls could flirt!
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
A man is like a fine wine. He starts out raw as grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on him and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she'd like to have dinner with.
A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart but he's not very bright.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs, a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't.
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien
A woman who strives to be equal to a man lacks ambition.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem
Ah love. It makes the world spin. Some say the sexes are equal, but I'm inclined to disagree - after all, I'm the man in my house so I always get the last word - 'Yes, dear...'
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "I was a fool when I married you." she replied "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one. - Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiance
To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god
Forget love, I'd rather fall into chocolate
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them until they become afraid and give in.
Apparently, the knight in shining armor who was supposed to sweep me off of my feet got lost in the woods.
(Actually, no... My prince charming took a wrong turn, got lost and is too freakin stubborn to ask for directions!)
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Don't bother getting married - just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
First, God created man. Then he had a better idea.
For every girl with a curve there are several men with angles.
Coffee, chocolate and men, some things are just better rich.
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his other lies.
Men - Can't live with them and if you tie them to your bumper and drive at high speeds the authorities tend to frown
Men are like blenders. You need one, but you don't know why
Men have dogs because they want a best friend dumber than they are. Women want that too, but they already have men
Remember, Ginger Rodgers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards, and in high heels.
Star light, star bright, where the freak is Mr. right?
Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship
The average woman prefers beauty over brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
The perfect man: smokes not, drinks not, flirts not, exists not.
The smartest thing a man can say starts with, 'My wife says...'
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works
Women do come with instructions. Just ask them.
Girls will be girls, boys will be toys.

2003-02-17T22:35:00.000-06:00

Words of wisdom from that great theologian...

Traffic jam, when you're already late; A no smoking sign, on your cigarette break; it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife... it's meeting the man of my dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife... and isn't it ironic, doncha think? A little too ironic... -- Alanis Morisette

So I walked under a bus, got hit by a train, keep falling in love which is kinda the same.. I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car gone insane... and it felt so good, I wanna do it again... (okay so I haven't fallen in love any time recently... not since the days of... well let's leave it at Pre-BCF...) - The Bachelor Girls

Why do I never seem to learn that love is wrong and guys are... evil --- The Ataris - with liberties taken

Okay anyway I'm still in dire angst so I'm gunna go back to sleep... hope for a call that isn't coming.. thanks to my many friends who've comforted me, consoled me, offered to send people from Detroit and stuff to beat people up for me (no seriously, that happened). I really will be okay... thanks

2003-02-17T22:02:00.000-06:00

so today was a much better day *at least for me*. i went to school. waking up late of course. but my math test was moved to weds. so i was happy. classes went well. i spent time with friends and with chaz. i did some homework *ok so this part wastn that great*. i got paid *this part is the best part*. i got spring break off so i can do something with my friends for spring break instead of being stuck in sleepy little g'ville. so yeah all around this day was pretty good.

2003-02-16T09:59:00.000-06:00

In case you don't know by now I hate Valentines day... many reasons.. my exbrotherinlaw is the main one... however I found this extremely delightful:

lyn: not like i can help when i have to work
Wendy: not at al
lyn: and you think i really wanted to work a double on valentine's day? or from 6 to 12:30 last night?
Wendy: nope
Wendy: Valentines day is a holiday created by the devil himself anyway
lyn: yeah, yeah. it's also mine and jeff's anniversary
Wendy: It's still crafted by Satan (or hallmark but they're interchangable)
lyn: hence my usually calling it commercialized affection day
Wendy: heh
Wendy: I think I'm blogging that
lyn: heh. you're blogging something i said?
Wendy: Appearantly so

-out

2003-02-16T09:54:00.000-06:00

Apologies -

For anyone seeing me tomorrow. I won't be in a good mood by then. I advise staying far away from me.

-out

2003-02-16T01:43:00.000-06:00

Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory

As he defeated--dying--
On whose forbidden ear
The distant stains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!

~Emily Dickinson
______________________________

"Hope" is the thing with feathers--
That perches in the soul--
And sings the tune without the words--
And never stops--at all--

And sweetest--in the Gale--is heard--
And sore must be the storm--
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm--

I've heard it in the chillest land---
And on the strangest Sea--
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb---of Me.

~Emily Dickinson

2003-02-16T01:03:00.000-06:00

so im feeling much better. i have been busy the past couple of days. i work last night *v-day, which really sucked*. i tired to get my homework done this morning but i didnt get nearly enough done before i had to go to work tonight. i had to close, but it wasnt as bad as last night. we were so busy yesterday, since it was the last home basketball game. i lost my temper on two guys, that were just being jerks, they were holding up the line giving one of my coworkers a hard time, we had people backed up to the door, they were just being jerks for the fun of it, so i just lost my temper on them. i will probably get wrote up for it, but i just couldnt stand it any longer. so i cant remember anything else that is going on. so im just going to go to bed.

2003-02-12T00:28:00.000-06:00

waking up and being all chipper in the morning really takes it's toll....

So I got up in such a well rested happy mood Rosie was scared. However I'm now really tired and it's only 1220 and I haven't done (ie haven't started by Graeco Roman thing due tomorrow... I got nothing else done that I was supposed to. So Thursday I have to completely do my exegesis and sermon plan, study for Dr. Lee and study for Lit.... wow I'm starting to feel this semester.. I haven't been concentrating well at all all semester... constantly with the sniffles, then just doodling and day dreaming... even out side of class my mind keeps wandering and I just get nothing accomplished. It's really frustrating. I could blame it on moving at first and still do a little since my rooms still have in the shed, but that's not all of it by far... I dunno I just need to buckle down. I think I also need more sleep. Hopefully between 130 and 230 tomorrow I can write a 6 page thing on the Urban Elites of Rome in Acts (see I'm blogging to keep this drivel from ending up in my file.....) Okay night. I'm praying for all my NT202 buddies - ya'll have my empathy, if you did it early you just need a life ;)

2003-02-10T22:54:00.000-06:00

Blahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

i hate being sick. i tried to get a doctor's appointment today, but since there are so many people sick around here there wasnt any appointments available. i have to teach a lesson plan tomorrow in my art class, im not ready for it by any means, i dont know what im doing. then i have to dress in a leather skirt, leather jacket, and this tight fitting top for a skit in my other edu class, dont worry i normally dont dress that way, but im suppose to dress inapporiately for a teacher. but anyways i need sleep.

2003-02-10T22:16:00.000-06:00

Wow it's a gorgeous day.... So I just couldn't help but go outside a lot today.... I kept nearly going iside but as soon as I did I wanted to be back outside again. I even got into my dancingaroundlikei'monice mode before my music class (I think one of the guys in there things I'm nuts but I found a new cool stretch so it's all good). I'm sooooo stressed and busy this week but I'll get it all done as I just keep progressing along... Wow my first exegesis Friday... and a Lit test... Dr. Lee was awesome in chapel today -- I really enjoyed it - I hadn't been since like the first day of school cause keep procrastinating on my NT reading and do it then - there's good motivation to stop doing that. Oh well, I went in there expecting to hear from God and longing to praise Him, and did. Sometimes I forget to have that expectation. Oh well I'm gunna go pamper myself and get to bed early. Chapel tomorrow, Julie's place at the mannor after that (lit) Electronic file and my normal reading... Okay I think I'm gunna try to knock out at least a couple things tonight maybe a NT and Lit... I dunno.... Wow this is a rambley post - I just felt kidna bad since neither Ro or I have been updating a lot recently. We have to please our fans ya know.. ;)

-out

2003-02-06T17:33:00.000-06:00

So I started looking through my yearbooks today - my head was too messed up to concentrate on homework my body for cleaning or unpacking.... so I decided to take quotes from what people wrote in my freshman, sophomore, and junior yearbooks. This is what yearbooks truly say after you get rid of all the sentimental, Christian, and just nicities that people write down. Italics are my comments Parenthetical is just how it appears in the book.

1996:

PS. Don't sell your body parts while you still need them. Always sound advice
AMF
You are the wildest, craziest, more weird person I know
Keep the peace and your straight jacket I just like this
Wendy - May you never catch on fire again!
Don't kill yourself over some guy
Your insane-for-being-your-friend friend
No, seriously, you are one of my most reliable, trustworthy, obnoxious, bouncy, loud and cheerful friends that I have. gotta love John

1997

Blah! Blah! Blah! Yackety Smackety! Byebye.
ABC rules
PS Try to go to school more *whistles* I'm ALWAYS a good student
Well even if you are a little weird, not to mention completely idiotic, I guess you're okay (just kidding) Just kidding about which part?! Gee thanks!

1998

This year I have spent more time trying to talk you out of things (older men) than I have about anything else.
TSGOE The Sweetest Guy On Earth - Signed by the guy I ... did mean things to at prom
Don't go overboard with the guys
We've had classes together since middle school. Probably the thing that will stick most in my mind is the trust walk and you leading me into a ditch. OOOPS!
Not too many boys this summer
Be careful with the fire next year and don't burn down the school
Keep your mind occupied with Him instead of older guys
You always have something logical (well until you talk about the 30 something year old dude) Yeah this was my junior year.... do the math
What number are you on... too numerous to count! Okay me and my friend Melissa decided to number the guys as we went through... we lost count somewhere in the early 200's)
Good luck on being a princess
Be careful with the fire next year. And, KTS! Kill The Slugs, literal slugs - I just need more salt.
By the way, your car is purple. I just thought I'd let you know. I took a power sander to my car and spary painted it purple... not nice purple like Mike's truck but like my sister's wedding dress purple.... which is a whole other story...
Then lastly there are the hearts.... First Mellisa had three:
MK+KR
Melissa-n-Kerry
Wendy-n-everyguyinthehighschool
Then you turn the page... Leslie had three
LM+JF
Leslie-n-Jeff
Wendy-N-everyguyinthehighschool

So in grand conclusion you can all see that I have always been the level headed studious not at all boy crazy person that ya'll have gotten to know at BCF or through this blog Okay I hope that made ya'll laugh now I'm gunna read Judges and other homework-esque activities...

2003-02-03T21:56:00.000-06:00

Romantygoth

since people have been telling me im a goth lately, i figure i would take a test to find out which kind.

2003-02-01T00:33:00.000-06:00

So I'm definitely with Rosie on the slacking thing... shopping has been too tempting lately. oh well at least I got SOMETHING accomplished tonight... like packing up stuff for Angie and cleanign her room and moving her dresser out of her closet....while she was out at that ;) Okay she told me I could don't worry... then I watched a couple movies and took a long bath... I'm tired. So much for the accomplishing stuff... I'll have to take care of all that tomorrow I guess. Especially homework.. and shopping... Ooops...

I've definitely fared better in the latter half of the week- I apologized to people I'd been ignoring for stupid and non-existant reasons... I cheered up a lot... I wrote a couple songs that I'm gunna work on tomorrow... unfortunately they have the same melody as Michelle Branch... oh well that can be changed just gotta get that song outta my head. I think I'm swearing off boys again... they're evil... all of them... I think I shall kill them all... well except Jim, Fozzy, and Jason... I can't kill them. Hmmm... Naw

-out

2003-01-30T18:37:00.000-06:00

I'm a slacker

so i have been slacking lately. i havent posted on here since tuesday. i still havent done my homework for tomorrow's classes. *i actually havent read anything for my psych or my EDU class since school started*. it is true that i have been distracted lately but i still have to remember the entire reason why im going to college is to get my education so i can become a teacher, it isnt so i can hang out with my friends. the distraction is nobody's fault but my own, i shouldnt let things distract me as much as the do, but i cant help it, im happy and i dont want to be stuck at home reading for classes when i could be spending time with someone. but i need to think about my grades and my scholarships. so i must get to work. in fact i shouldnt even be typing this since i do need to do my homework, but im a procrastinator as well as a slacker. peace.

2003-01-28T22:49:00.000-06:00

Confessions of a shopaholic....

I'm a shopaholic... what you wanted soemthing earth shattering? Me and Angie are deinitely bad for each other... really bad... but we have a lot of fun together... I just need a limitless creditcard where the bill mysteriously pays itself... Ahhh such dreams... maybe I'll marry someone rich (HA! Good thing I'm not looking at the guys in my school.. rich... preacher... hehehe) Naw I'm just kidding I couldn't marry someone just for their money... However I'm not kidding about not looking at the guys at my school... I've really given up on that I didn't flirt with anyone today... or yesterday... very impressive.. I didnt' have any desire to either... I'm not opposed to the gus at my school... most of you reading this probably attend there or at least have friends there... I'm just not looking... God'll send a guy who'll find me...

I'm in a much better mood anyway... my exboyfriend and I talked and he cleared me up on some confidence issues... (Dont' worry I'm nto looking at my ex... he isn't looking at me either... we just had a good relationship and we're still where we can talk to each other... He's a great ex boyfriend)

Oh well I'm rambling again... Now to write the 6 page paper for Dr. Long that I put off to go shopping. Oooooooooops. ;)

-out

2003-01-28T11:55:00.000-06:00

I'm Happy

so this weekend was great. a lot has taken place. a friendship has evolved into something more. a bunch of people were confused but most of them are happy about it. so me and chaz are together, this took place a lot sooner than i had ever thought it would. Im happy.

2003-01-26T15:02:00.000-06:00

apologies

So I'm almost done moving... The guys came over yesterday and helped... they're incredible... I think I owe them all my first born or something similar... oh well, they're all really sweet...

The rest the day was rather uneventful... I think I am gunna drop back from the game.... I have too much else going on...

Let me apologize in advance if I'm real quiet or shut people out anytime soon, I just... yeah... My apologies to John and Fozzy and Chaz for doing as such yesterday.. I'm not a very good hostess I guess.. At least I snapped out of it long enough to dye John and I's hair red. ;)

-out.

2003-01-25T10:09:00.000-06:00

Wow! The first week is over.... this semester will be... interesting.. I'm a masochist. I don't think I'm gunna like Lit but I like all my other classes... well okay I may only like some of them because of who I flirt with but music class is only once a week.... O:-) .. hehe anyway no actually I haven't been flirting too bad.. most the time.. okay I'll quit trying that before I make someone else choke...

Wes, Jacob, frog, Fozzy and Chaz are helping move today - these guys are the best. they'll be here round noon - I cooked for them (well okay, Angie and I cooked for them -- she started and did most of cookign the roast... which smells really good. I got the house pretty decent too (without using Holly this time!).

The game was good last night... definitely a builder.. I really really like playing but I'm not sure I really should... time wise, attention wise.. it's fun but I'm thinking I may not stick with it long.. Chaz'll understand if I drop out, but I'm not doing that yet. I think I confused people... my makeup well according to Rosie was goth... more... in character with the game... but I actually almost kinda came close to pulling it off.. getting the doubletakes was fun.

OKay I'm gunna go get dressed and check the yummy squares. I'll write more tonight once the guys are gone I'm sure...

oh one more thing: I'm MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yea)

-out

2003-01-23T20:12:00.000-06:00

so i got an email tonight from chaz entitled the demon survey, this made me curious. when i opened it up i realized it was the survey me and wendy had made up last semester. he had finally gotten around to sending it back. some of the answers were rather funny. and others i just couldnt believe like he said that the most talkative was me and mona, i believe mona, but me talkative??? boy things sure have changed since high school. in highschool i didnt open my mouth unless called upon by the teacher. i pretty sure most people thought i was a mute. i really need to do my reading for tomorrow's classes but i just dont feel like it, i have the sniffles so im miserable and reading for psych isnt going to help much. plus i find out today that my manager at subway changed my hours on me, not only do i have to close friday night, i also have to close sat night, there goes my plans, unless chaz doesnt mind me coming late to the game and in my subway uniform?? but i guess i should get to work on my reading.
-peace

2003-01-22T22:34:00.000-06:00

Sooo I forgot one minor detail about tonight - when I was with the youth tonight at Ridgecrest I was playing carpet ball with the students in the gameroom. For those of you that don't know the game it's a long narrow table thats got like 6 inch high walls - each player has five balls (like pool balls) and you try to knock your opponents ball in the hole. I throw really really hard (the throwing ball is slightly smaller, a little less dense... like heavy but not the same outter texture...) So I threw that tonight and it bounced off the table on to the wall (cinderblock) and then hit Matt Bass in the back of the head... One of my youth just turned around and was like "I told you to move..." I apologized and was like oops!

Oh well Rosie said I needed to post that.. After she caught her breath again, which was after she fell off the bed laughing... which was after she high fived me, which was after she broke into a nearly hysterical giddy kind of laughter that I'm sure woke Angie up..

-out

2003-01-22T22:22:00.000-06:00

so i went to the register office this morning and got rid of those two classes, then i went and returned the books for them. that saved me so much money. i only have to pay the school like 300 something dollars now. so im a bit disappointed though, i wore a skirt today *something i never ever do* and none of the guys made a comment on it. i mean scotty didnt even have a sarcastic comment like "what are you out of clean laundry", i was sure he would say something like that, but no, nothing. oh well not important. but i did really good today about not flirting with guys just to flirt with them, i only flirted with guys i like. *actually i only flirted with one guy today*. you know life is kinda funny.... in highschool you couldnt get me to talk to a guy ,other than my friend tim, yet alone flirt with one, and now the few female friends i have get on to me for flirting with so many guys. i really dont mean too. there are very few guys that i actually mean to flirt with. and no im not telling you who he is*although im sure most of my friends who are around me enough know who he is *. so this semester should be interesting, im looking forward to it.

2003-01-22T22:10:00.000-06:00

Wooohooooo!! Ang got her tax return so she's moving out soon, real soon... maybe even this weekend. Wow - So that means sh'es going to be clearing out her room, aka my room - which means I might be able to get the guys to set up some of my furniture rather than put it in the shed...

So I'm gunna have a REALLY busy day tomorrow,:

I need to do my never-ending series of homework,
the sears guy is coming for the dryer,
I need to clean the house for the guys Saturday (Oh once Ang moves out I'm laying down the law on Rosie messing up my clean house),
I need to go grocery shopping once I figure out what I'm cooking for the guys Saturday (Oh yeah for those of you that I've asked I'm thinking meet here at noonish we'll eat lunch then move my stuff over here... Rosie's gunna pick up Chaz, Foz, and Frog if he's helping -- anything else I can do for ya'll guys?)_ (I'm sure I'll repeat that in person but I have no memory) I'm gunna go to the trailer again tomorrow and pack some more - I'm making Ang go with me, I told her if she did I'd help her pack.

I think all the guys'll have to help me with is:

my bed,
dressers,
art tables,
the sets of drawers that match the art tables (REALLY REALLY heavy),
the really big awkward L shaped desk that's in peices (which incidentally I'm gunna have the guys set up here - it takes three people)
the loveseat - which is really tricky to get out the door,
the coffee table,
a couple lamps,
a table and chairs,

The gym are already moved and hopefully all the boxes will be by then too... it'll be interesting at the least... I REALLY REALLY REALLY love all my guy friends they're so great for helping me out - Granted I bribed most of them with free food ;)...

Okay I'm a little spaced out by the pace of today and the approaching pace of tomorrow, I think this was mainly my todo list for myself - oh well I hoped ya'll enjoyed reading it... -- I'm really really grateful God's been so faithful to me... I'm SO incredibly blessed, living here, my friends, my mom, finacially... Life's just peachy...

2003-01-21T23:07:00.000-06:00

so yeah school is back in. im taking wendy's advice and will be droping my SF class and one of my EDU classes tomorrow. i just cant handle that work load and work and take care of a house and help with my niece and still have a social life. you know college isnt just a place to get an education, it is also a place to make lifelong friendships and i plan on making time to spend with my friends this semester. so my sister got approved for housing today, she moves out next week. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! so it will be just me and wendy in my house *no more stress of having to deal with my sis*. so i should get some sleep i got a lot to do tomorrow, like classes, drop classes, return books, get book, get financial aide packet. hang out with friends. look cute. yeah i need my beauty sleep.
peace

2003-01-20T23:43:00.000-06:00

Back in Session

So School started back today - I think a lot of people were really ready for it to start back - I really miss the classes (not just the friends) I'm gunna have a pretty tough load I think (I mean Jamie was wailing after NT, come on)... I have peeps I know (and like, usually one of "the gang" as Rosie calls them) in like every class though with at least half in my NT 202... I met some of the new students in my music class.. Matthew and Joe and Jesse... They were all pretty cool, they're Nathan's puppets ;) Never mind....

So yeah I'm definitely happier with life in general this semester - I got a few head issues about relationships straightened out over break... granted I've been pretty bad about the whole flirting thing still... That's gunna get me in trouble... or at least hurt when people don't like me back... which I know is gunna crash down around me soon... oh well... life is just life... academics I just have fun with... like Fozzy said "bring it on"...

-out

2003-01-17T23:52:00.000-06:00

yeah i have been slacking this week but i have been having so much fun with my guys. the earliest i have gotten to bed this week is 1:00. but im not complaining. i love spending time with my friends. esp my guys. so tomorrow is the big bonfire. we are going to have a live action game of the playrole game we have been doing. i cant wait to see the guys reaction to my outfit and my makeup. they will be shocked im sure, i just hope none of them are too close to the fire when they see me, i would want them to fall in.

2003-01-17T15:46:00.000-06:00

whoops - I never published my entry last night oh well it's up now... so yeah I decided to put the moving off til next saturday - Foz'll still help I think, I'll ask him again tomorrow, Frank said he'd be available. I saw Frog and Marshall today and first Frog tried to get outta it then he wound up trying to convince marshall to help me... Hehehehe... (I think I wound up offering to cook dinner for the guys.. he was like "It's free food - you don't turn down free food") lol, oh well - I don't mind cooking as long as it's not just for me. that gets old... Me and Rosie have a papasan now - that's pretty cool... oh well time to clean so me and Rosie can fool the guys into thinking she's neat.. oh I wasn't supposed to say that..

-out

2003-01-16T22:42:00.000-06:00

I love Rosie more and more everyday....

I also really hate packing. I called Foz and talked to him and Frank tonight about possibly getting help moving tomorrow (Friday) Franks going out of town and said he would other wise - Fozzy said he would pretty much whenever - I really have the best friends... I think I'm gunna go ahead and just wait for the saturday after school starts.. I really can't take another day there -I've spent three days threre in a row now.. I got all sick and shakey and was hyperventalating out there today... I am really just so thankful that God's blessed me with the ability and a friend like Rosie to move out, and then friends like the rest of our gang that are willing to help me - I still really hated asking... especially since I haven't seen them like in forever...

One of my youth even offered to help me pack - I didn't think it was a good idea for various reasons but I was so wowwed that she offered like that - I have amazing youth. I told her she needed to ask her mom and I'd call her - Her mom said no which was for the best but it was still really sweet.

So since I'm gunna put off moving the furniture til next saturday (Oh I REALLY hope the guys can do it then that the last good day since i have to be out by the end of the month... what was I saying? Oh yeah I'll get my things at Rosie's straightened out better (herpoor closet looks like it exploded) and help her clean for Saturday night's bonfire....

Thanks for all ya'll support and prayers peeps...

-out

2003-01-14T17:57:00.000-06:00

I'm back!!

I got back to Graceville yesterday - I'm living with Rosie now (be very very afriad). She and I and Teresa and Logan went out last night to Canton then hit the guys place - it's pretty nice - we met Fozzy's parents - they were cool (even if he didn't let me give them a scanner for his baby pictures - hehehe). I went by the evil icky trailer today - the landlord's hadn't done the work they said they had done nor the work they promised they would do (aka repairing the holes in the floor) in addition to this they left my door open (locked but not shut) I was SOOOO ticked.... but I don't live there no more.

I got a bunch boxed up - going back tomorrow to get more done - hopefully I'll be done tomorrow or thursday with that --- then I can get our wonderful guys to help me move (*hint* also PWEASE?!?! I'll beg and plead and evn cook for ya'll) Actually I really do have to ask them - it's be awesome to get it done before school starts I'm gunna rent one day u-haul so it should be really easy (I don't have to get them to use their trucks)

Oh well, it was great seeing everyone yesterday, I got books and got ready for classes today - all is shaping up well. Rosie's really a life saver, her sister too

-out

2003-01-12T14:48:00.000-06:00

the gang

so the gang is back together almost, just waiting on the foz. im so happy i have really missed them all. i get to hang out with them tonight over at the guys new apartment. my house is almost clean, i just need to vacuum my room and make my bed, then finish laundry. angie is going to clean the kitchen. wendy will be coming back this week, either monday or tuesday. saturday is the big bonfire. YAY...... guys burning stuff...... i dont know what it is about guys and fire...........i think they all must be pyros. i had to close last night at subway with oscar *another student at the college i attend* and a trainee who was strung out on drugs last night, he keep thinking he saw a monkey running by the windows. we werent very busy so we actually got out of there at a decent time. so im going to take a nap for a couple of hours, since i will be up really late tonight. lata

2003-01-11T02:39:00.000-06:00

Ever get that urge to practice at like 3 AM when you should be dog-tired but can't sleep? I practiced a good bit today and yesterday.. I lost my callouses so my fingers hurt so I only practiced a couple hours at a time... of course I don't usually have time for more than that anymore...

Oh yeah I'm coming back to Graceville monday - I'm planning on leaving in the morning so I should be there in the early(ish) afternoon. I'm so excited! I don't have to go back to that awful icky trailer! Rosie's so awesome ya'll don't know the half of it - she's really saved my (remaining ounce of) sanity (mom's too I don't whine half as much now)..

Aww I got all sappy..... and there wasn't even a guy involved

2003-01-09T21:12:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for the angst the last few days. I've had a horrible week that's gone from bad to worse, fighting with the landlords included...

Rosie's the best person in the world (okay okay after Jesus... and maybe Foz haha)

Sheej and Lyn and Jason ya'll are great - thanks for listening to me...

For those of you that don't know what I wrote be glad - for those that did I'm sorry

2003-01-09T00:50:00.000-06:00

YAY....... my mother is going to give me the money i need to have my ID card validated in order for me to start classes this semester. i sadden however, because chaz wont be taken classes. he will be in town, but i dont know how much we will all get to see him. so im most likely having a bonfire at my house before school starts back. that is if the guys want to *our guys, yeah we will definately burn something*. it should be fun. but i need my sleep now. i just wanted to say that God always provides. and im glad he provided me with a great family and wonderful friends who were willing to lend me the money if i needed it. thanks that meant alot to me. im not used to having friends that would do stuff like that for me. i have so great friends and i love them all dearly and would do anything for them, i hope they know that.

2003-01-06T23:20:00.000-06:00

did you miss me????

so im back, got back friday. i had a great trip. stayed up way too late everynight. drank champagne on new year's eve (teresa's mother is so cool). all of my friends will be back in g'ville soon. i spent tonight with 4 of them. i was really shocked when chaz came in though, because he had shaved. i was like HOLY COW. it was really weird, im just not used to seeing chaz without facial hair. the business office at school is going to work with me on my college bill, which is good since i dont have half of it right now. but so far this year is good. i hope it stays that way.

2003-01-04T22:19:00.000-06:00

The EDGE...

Is there anything better than really coming forward and touching the edge of His garment? Than worshipping with all your heart and soul? Instruments and Instrumentalists playing and praising God, singer shouting with joy at the promises He's made. God's people jumping without dignity, kneeling in humility. The lights filling the air with echos of His glory. The darkness drawing us into His stillness. breathmints reminding us to be pure, to have a new voice, Ephisians 5 read to a congregation by a man walking for the Lord, James 3 by His people seeking Him...

I wish everyone could worship this way. Not that the service, music and lights are important, but giving the all, cutting loose the cords of tradition and expectancy and the walls of habitual order and behavior...

To worship God not in a way that we prefer but is a true expression of who we, this generation are. We sing of His Gloriousness in rock, gentle notes tell Him He's our world....

No, it's not our dependance on the service but a true expression of who we are worshipping a God that created us this way.

I wish everyone could experience the Edge.. Now I know why I was still in St. Augustine... Anyone who disagrees about contemporary music is insane... I don't think Heaven will be a battle of traditional verses contemporary, both have their place, they reach different people... But how dare we go with the service that only makes us feel better than reaching the lost or expressing praise for our savior... Sorry for the sidenote.... Tonight was one of the most incredible nights and experiences I've had in my Christian walk. I poured out my soul and He filled it up. I lay broekn before Him and He sent a Consuming Fire... I wish everyone could have The EDGE. I can't wait to see what Ten Sheckle Shirt does in February with it.. that'll be worth 10 hours of driving. I'll kidnap Rosie for that one.

Seriously, I love it... just The EDGE of His garment....

-out

2003-01-01T11:58:00.000-06:00

Happy new year!

So God directed me to Ephesians 2 this morning in my quiet time... how appropriate.. Totally paraprasing here: Throw off the shackles of your past. You were dead; now you're alive. It's by grace...

So everyone that had a bad 2002, and everyone who didn't put it behind you, don't dwell there. God has an exciting future for you that'll surpass all your former greatness and weakness.

-peace out (For He Himself is our peace)

2002-12-30T09:00:00.000-06:00

What Sin?

(This is a song that's one of my favorites... it's like 20 years old by Morgan Cryer... I think like everyone needs to hear it at some point)

It happened so long ago
I cried out for mercy back then
I plead the blood of Jesus
And begged Him to forgive my sin
But I still can't forget it
It just won't go away
So I wept again, Lord wash my sin
And this is all He'd say

What Sin? What Sin?
That's as far away as the east is from the west
What Sin? What Sin?
It was gone the very minute you confessed
Buried in the sea of forgetfullness

The heaviest thing you'll carry
Is a load of guilt and shame
You were never meant to bear them
So let them go in Jesus' name
Our God is slow to anger
Quick to forgive our sins
So let Him put them under the blood
And don't bring them up again

Cause he'll just say
(chorus)

Oh Lord, Please deliver me
From my accusing memory
Nothing makes me weak this way
Then when I hear You say

(chorus)

2002-12-29T23:52:00.000-06:00

8:00 AM ET Mom woke me up
8:15 AM ET actually woke up
9:30 AM ET church, ABC, ran the computer
10:30 AM ET left from church to AL
3:00 PM CT arrived in AL
3:05 PM CT opened up my place again, smelled hints of ralph, got scared of my place
3:15 PM CT left my place without unpacking and went to church RBC to teach DT
3:50 PM CT got to RBC over an hour early and waited, no youth around, no youth chior
5:00 PM CT taught DT
6:00 PM CT left rbc
6:20 PM CT got back to my place, found one paper I needed, headed to my landlords
6:22 PM CT wrote rent check to landlords
6:25 PM CT hit the road
12:45 AM ET got back to St. Augustine cause I was too scared to stay with Ralph.

Eh, just like 650+ miles and 10-11 hours of driving. I sleepy.

-out

2002-12-27T23:22:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah we've been having techy issues (that I'm not sure Rosie knows about) We're getting an Error 104: java.lang.NullPointerExcept error (in case anyone else has advice, I did the sign out back in thing a dozen times, along with fixing the HTML error it suggested.. which should be a non-issue). That, along with our mysterious dissappearing comment system.... I'm looking into the first, but bear with us, if there's no new content, or you can't comment just check back.

Oh and when the commenting system does come back make sure to leave Rosie messages about how much you'll miss her (y'know posting and stuff) while she's at Teresa's next week. :-D

2002-12-27T23:12:00.000-06:00

be afraid

So I was talking to Jason... yes my ex... no you don't need to shoot me. (Hey he didn't go out with Kim! YEA!!! I mean, awwww... [yup, I'm a vicious ex girlfriend, shame on me]) anyway I had a brilliant idea when I was talking to him that was completely unrelated to him.

But until plans are more finalized, the appropriate people have been notified, and final decisions and times are upon I can't say much here.... But to all my wonderful Graceville peeps....

be afraid

2002-12-27T15:46:00.000-06:00

Facing some decisions....

That I probably don't actually have to face yet but they're buggin me... So I can graduate in Spring 05 or Fall 04... I thought I had to do summer sessions and grad in spring 05 but I looked at my grad requirements and if I pull 17 hours each term (which is how I like it) and one term be 16 hrs, I could graduate in Spring 05 without summers... OR I could put those 16 hours into two summer sessions (03, 04), 8 hrs each, and graduate in Fall 04... If I do that that'd make it way hard financially both not being able to work as much in the summer to save up, and not having scholarships in the summer... It would also put going to seminary right after Christmas and I'd have to move then, probably to Texas (my leading choice right now is SouthWestern but I wanna look at them all more closely)

Anyway that's all been on my mind... like a lot.. go figure. Anyway I am starting to miss all my friends. I didn't realize how much respect I'd picked up for a few people... Oh well I'm not going all mush just now -- my neice already made me sob today. Off to pick up my car.. and there was much rejoicing.

2002-12-26T12:32:00.000-06:00

YAY!!!!!!!!

My car is finally being fixed. i will have my baby back this afternoon. YAY!!!!!! ive missed having my car. so i do get to go out of town saturday. i get out of g'ville. so i survived christmas. i could have been worse. i missed my mom and dad so much. my grandpa was just as cruel as he usually is. i had servere allegric reaction to something. i promise i did not eat any chocolate. my tongue is still a bit swollen, of course it is probably because every time i try to eat something i bite it. so yeah so much for enjoying a good christmas dinner. i havent really eaten anything since breakfast tuesday. it hurts too much. since i probably wont get a chance to post anything new before next year, i want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. God Bless.

2002-12-25T17:09:00.000-06:00

So Christmas was wonderful! I had a great time with my family. Watching my neice and nephew open presents is always fun. Mom, Grams, 3 of my sisters (the fourth is with her husband and family in Mass) with accompanying spouse/boyfriends that are counted spouses and of course my niece and nephew. After that we did a brunch, I was kinda chilling and when I sat down everyone was already eating (it was buffet style I guess) and I was like Mom we didn't say the blessing, and she kinda was like oops, and told me to say it. I got to insert a lot of Gospel into it which was awesome. Then Mom and grams went to Orlando (to Mom's brother's) 2 of my sisters (including the kids) went to the guys families, and Christy and Tim went to hiding out in their room playing with Christy's present Auzzie (their puppy). I then went in the living room and read my Bible a while, reading Luke.

After a while I was on here, sent a couple friends emails and chatted with a few on IM. Was talking to Emma and a flash of inpiration stuck. Hit the beach.

And I did. I hit the same one I lamented about a while back. It was still ugly, barren, and too wide... it's also still lots of water, lots of sand and God's creation (I gotta remind myself the coquina wasn't there in God's design it was a beautiful product of a dumping ground - end tangent). I was a little disappointed there was a good handful of people scattered along, walking, going up the pier, and fishing. I started walking the waters edge and kept forgetting the words to Ocean (AA) so I switched to shout to the Lord and got a great worship time alone.

I thought of how great it is that God let's us be so blessed we can bless others. Materially and other wise. I thought about how our families, as strange and frustrating as they are, are a gift (same goes for my friends - ya'll are strange, but definitely one of those God sent gifts.) I thought about creation being a gift. I thought about how I don't understand the point of Jellyfish (or Ralph - Still gunna have that talk with Noah). I thought about the plot for a book I had forgotten I used to have the ambition to write. I thought lastly about OT and Dr. Lee. I was thinking about how whenever anything special happened their was usually an accompanying feast, thoughts were specifically passover and the Lord's Supper. I thought about how a feast was mroe than food but fellowship. And how each was a gift of God.

That came back to what I read from Rich on DYL this morning. I used to think too that Christmas was only about Jesus. I don't know if I believe that anymore. The magi laid down gifts and even if 95% of us don't use our gifts as symbolic gestures they started that way. There was a family, a mother, a father. There was even traveling...

I don't know maybe it's just me but it's not that it's wrong to bring family, and fellowship, food, and gifts into Christmas, just that that can't be it's only focus. I'm glad I got time with the whole family today. I'm also glad they left and I had my own worship time. Mostly I'm glad for the baby that came to humble himself that we might receive grace.

2002-12-24T23:16:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!!

I think Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice sums up my mood best of all - let's not forget to keep Jesus in today's celebration

2002-12-24T19:57:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone. i hope ya'll are having a good time with friends and family. just remember to charish the time you have with them and to make the most of it. remember that the whole reason for the season is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. God Bless, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

2002-12-23T22:30:00.000-06:00

So Rosie asked me to list worship songs, completely at random, tonight. I had two stuck in my head that I knew, I knew we used in youth and at anastasia and I couldn't think of them. The first I knew started with an M.. Meet with Me. the second I was struggling with. I finally went to ChristianGuitar and in the lyric search tossed in the chords...

I'm a geek.

2002-12-23T18:50:00.000-06:00

Would someone remind the little idiot...

Not to read her ex-boyfriend's live journal... EVER!!!

Okay no substance tonight. I'm sure you're all grateful
-out

2002-12-22T20:22:00.000-06:00

so i was reading DYL earlier, and tyler's post for tonight really stepped on my toes. he reminded me that we should be thankful for everything God does for us. this week as bad as it has been ive forgotten to do that. like with my car breaking i should be thankful, that it happened in g'ville and not on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. or with my grades, i should be thankful that i passed all my classes, i may not have done as well as i would have liked but i passed and kept my scholarships. with my friends being gone and missing them so much, i should be thankful that i have friends to miss, i know there was a time in my life when i didnt. with getting my bill from the school, i should be thankful that it isnt as much as some peoples because of the scholarships i have and i should be able to pay the half without a problem, i just have to cut back on things i really dont need. and even with all the fights me and my sister have, im thankful that she was there this week to give me a ride when i needed it. so i am glad i read DYL tonight because i was really feeling sorry for myself this week but after reading tylers blog i realized just how lucky and blessed i really am.

2002-12-22T09:58:00.000-06:00

The Humble King (verse 2)

Here on this dusty ground
I bow with kings
Where wise men laid before
Their offerings

I lay no golden crown
here at your feet
Just this my broken life
I offer Thee

For you are the God of the broken...
You are the humble King

2002-12-21T23:38:00.000-06:00

LOL! Oh I just talked to Lyn.. that's rich:

Lyn: hey
JanyseShaguar: hey
Lyn: vince is disapointed
JanyseShaguar: Oh?
JanyseShaguar: Did he really show?!?!?!
JanyseShaguar: lol!
Lyn: heh, he was there, yeah
JanyseShaguar: OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lyn: i think he was working, though
JanyseShaguar: You said he wouldn't ;-)
JanyseShaguar: Hmmm I thought he said he had the day off
Lyn: all i know is that he said to me yesterday "hey, your friend stood me up"

Haha - I feel cruel, and mean, and devious... and I like that :-D

Oh yeah I've come to the conclusion tonight (watch out when I start coming to a lot of conclusions btw) that I like mom's i book. Not cause it's mac, fast, better than my stupid peice of.... in the shop right now... nope - just cause it has a touch pad and not the icky m word.

-out

2002-12-21T23:21:00.000-06:00

ever have one of those *woah that's what I was missing* realizations?

that happened in church tonight... I was running the computer so Chuck could go to Missouri to spend some time with family.. They've switched computer apps since I left so I'm not NREALY as comfortable anymore - I knew every in and out of ppt, not to mention I'd typed 95% of the songs, and reformatted all of them which meant I knew every slide and what came where.. So I'm having to learn this new program at tuesday practice, and tonight before running it before the service which was at 6.. And when it got to kick back easy mode (AKA the sermon) I was like... wow, I did that perfectly... transitions, timing, order... no slip ups... which is when it hit me - We pay a lot more attention, and walk a lot closer to perfection, when we're kicked out of our comfort zones.

I'm captured by, Your holy calling
set me apart, Lord,
I know You're drawing
Me to Yourself, lead me Lord I pray

2002-12-20T22:33:00.000-06:00

MY CAR STILL AINT FIXED. ARGH!!!!!

so my car would have been fixed today if it wasnt for fedex. they got the cv joint replaced yesterday, but they were still waiting on another part that was supposed to arrive today, but fedex lost the stupid part. so they had to put a tracer on it, hopefully they will get it in time to have my car fixed by the time they close tomorrow. if not i wont have my car back until monday. and this morning i got my school bill, YAY *extreme sarcasism* one of my scholarships isnt showing up, they always have a problem with it. that is an extra 500 bucks, which really lowers the out of pocket expensives i have. right now i owe over 1000 dollars before books, im taking 7 classes next semester and all of them require books. hopefully i will be able to borrow other peoples books for some of the classes. half of the bill is due by jan 17. so after that extra 500 bucks is added in i will only have to pay a little over 250 dollars by jan 17. but the rest of it is due by march 5, and that will include the books which i have no idea how much they will cost.

but that is enough about bills and crap like that. i saw two of my friends today, i was so glad to see them, i had missed them alot. mike and chaz can always make me smile no matter how bad a day ive been having. so mike left today to go back to miami and chaz is leaving tomorrow to go home *i think cross city* i cant remember if that is right or not. it was good to see a friendly face again not that people in g'ville are bad people i just have never gotten along with them to well, i miss my college friends, they understand me. most of them know what it is like to be considered different. i miss them. ok im going to stop now before i start crying. bubye

2002-12-19T12:06:00.000-06:00

lalalalalalalala im really really really bored. i hate g'ville sometimes esp when my friends arent here and when i dont have my car to get out of town on. i really hurt from walking and riding my bike everywhere, i really out of shape, but the exercise is good for me. i need it im getting fat again. even if some of my friends disagree with me, i am. maybe after i get my car fixed i will still ride or walk to work when i work during the day, cuz it is good exercise and i think my legs will get used to it after a while. lata

2002-12-18T23:26:00.000-06:00

If any of you read my post earlier Dr. Lee just emailed me and said my grade was fixed. I'm SOOOOO relieved. If you don't know what happened don't ask.

peace out

2002-12-18T21:36:00.000-06:00

so yeah my car is getting fixed, YAY!!!! unfortunately it wont be fixed until saturday most likely, here's to riding my bike everywhere for a few more days. oh well. im really bored. ive been stuck at home all day. i didnt even go to church tonight cuz of course i go to marianna and since my car is broke the only way for me to get there was angies truck and ang's truck has a bad starter so i didnt want to risk not being able to get it started when i went to leave. but im all packed for my trip to palm coast that is coming up in about a week. im excited about it cuz im getting out of g'ville for at least a week, hey its better than nothing. hmmm.... im hungry i think i will go get some food, maybe ang will let me borrow her truck to run into town. ok bubye

2002-12-18T01:27:00.000-06:00

If you wanna see my latest see my corner (my blog - it's on the links) I may keep to writing over there for a little bit - I've been writing way to long of stuff over here anyway.

2002-12-17T23:09:00.000-06:00

so my day was slightly better than yesterday. my car is at the shop getting fixed. they said it was the tire rod *whatever that is*, sometimes i wish i knew about cars so i would know what they are talking about. my preacher went down to subway last night and got my sisters truck running. so this morning i had to crawl underneath it and hit anything i could reach. i eventually get it started but it was a lot better than having to walk all over town. i got to work at 9 cuz my manager had asked me to come in an hour early which would have been 9:30 but as soon as i got there she made me clock in cuz the girl who had closed the nite before didnt do crap. so even left the oven on and the retarder *with bread in it*, WHAT AN AIRHEAD. i went to a christmas party tonight, it was alot of fun. mrs. barbie gave me a printer for my computer. YAY no more worry about disk eating my stuff. but i did get my grades for this semester. i didnt do to good. i ended up with 3 c's that cancelled out any a i have made so far so i have a 3.0 avg. yeah i know it is a b avg but i have never made anything that low before so im mad at myself, cuz i could have done a lot better if i had my mind on my school work instead of guys and hanging out with my friends. so anyway i have no idea where my sis is, im watching my niece cuz ang went to walmart but that was over 3 hours ago, she said she wouldnt be gone longer than an 1hr 30mins. oh well im sure she will be home soon. but im off to bed. nite.

2002-12-17T00:25:00.000-06:00

So coming "home" both elated and disheartened me. It was a very... sporadic change of plans to come home today. Non one, mom, my sister, me... knew I was planning to come home tonight.

On the way home I had to stop in Orange Park. I went by to drop my computer off at gateway (It's still under warrenty til Febrary - I hope they tell me it's broken beyond repair and I need to take a new one off their hands...) Well the service center at OP closed so I have to take it to regency - except regency ws already closed.

So I went by the OP mall.. Went in AMC to see if Lyn was working... stopped at the ticket collector guy and we talked for a while, he was very flirty, and withing 5 maybe 10 minutes he'd asked me out. (Stop hating Rosie ;)) He asked me to hang around til he got off work nad see a movie with him and asked what my plans were for the evening, I told him I had to go back to St. Augustine at some point and he was like oh... well how about tomorrow I'm off then. I have band practice tomorrow.. I just said how about thursday. Okay - so he gets a pen off BJ (I'm like - dude, nuh uh he ain't really...) and he asks for my number and is like "oh or do you want mine" and I'm like Had my share of stalkers.. not giving out my number... (Wait before ya'll get worried this is one of my best friends co-workers and I've heard of and actually I barely remember it but I met him before - I know he's safe) so I told him I'd meet him at the theater Thursday at 6...

Granted I'll be standing him up, but it was nice to have a guy just flirt shamelessly and actually ask me out, repeatedly. And a non-creepy non-skanky guy at that. (Okay I'm not really standing him up since neither of us were serious - I know he wouldn't show.. I think.. I'll make Lyn tell him at work tomorrow I won't be there - yeah, I feel better)

So then Chuck called me (guy at church here) and asked if I can cover two weeks for him - I can. Which means Sunday the 29th I'll be at church form 9:30 - 10:30 and leaving straight from church to be back to Dothan to teach DT at Ridgecrest at 5.. No sweat.

Then the sad part started. I called Lyn and she met me at the mall and we walked around then went to dinner - she had to work the next morning so I went on home around 11ish.. I drove through downtown st. augustine and looked at the pretty lights and the fort.. I thought about walking around the dried moat but stopped myself.

Went to the beach - was SERIOUSLY hoping the constuction was done.. I wish now that it hadn't been. They DEMOLISHED the beach, DESTROYED it. I nearly wept bitterly with tears of anquish and fury. That beach was where when every distraction in life came I could go there and they ALL always dissolved and I could talk to Daddy. That's where I got my call for crying out loud. They took out all the rocks. ALL of the coquina.. It's barren ugly white sand and it stretched forever before you get to the water. No more beautiful water lapping against the rocks. No more climbing the rocks and sitting on the rocks and talking to daddy. Now it's just sand. We had 20 something other miles of beaches for that. They couldn't have left the 1/4 mile of pretty rocky beach alone though. You can't see the water from the road anymore - I couldn't see the water til I was more than 2/3 to it tonight.. So much for my special midnight beach trips..

I'm seriously devestated --- it sounds vain but that beach is wrecked.

I'm glad I don't need a place to talk to Daddy but I wish I still had that one. Maybe St. Augustine really isn't home anymore.. of course the only thing that'll make that distinction in my mind is serving at church the next two weeks.. I do miss ABC... I miss Mason and my youth, I miss the band, I miss Bobby.. (Mason == youth minister I worked with, Bobby== MY youth minister and our current worship leader - this isn't abotu guys.. thank goodness)...

But at least here I have no ralph worries. Night

2002-12-16T22:09:00.000-06:00

what a day

ok my day started out pretty good. i got up did a bit of cleaning then took my niece to daycare. after i droped her off i headed to chipley. now when i got back from chipley my day went horribly array. i was driving around making my loop. had just turned onto ezell st. and my car goes POP and i lose control of my car. i get it stoped and turn it off then i get out to see what was the matter *note i know absolutely nothing about cars*. i look at my tire and was like i dont think it is supposed to do that, it was turned sideways so i get down to look underneath it and there is something broken *i think they said it was the tire rod or something like that*. first thing i do is reach for my cell then i realize i dont have it with me. at this point im ready to cry. i calm myself down and try to think, my preachers house is not far from where im at but they wouldnt be home so i headed for mr. phil's house knowing that at least his wife would be home and if she wasnt i was going to head to the bookstore to see mrs. barbie and get her to get ahold of bro. raymond. but mrs. mary was home so i got mr. phil and we went to my car and bro. raymond was at it. they tried to fix it but couldnt so i went to the maintance office to talk to tasha and wait for bro. raymond to come back *he went to find someone to take my car to my mechanic* but he didnt come back in time *i had to go home and get ready for work* so tasha took me home. i took angies truck to work. now her trucks starter is messed up so sometimes it doesnt start and u have to get underneath the truck to tap the starter. so when i went to leave i was praying that the truck would start because i had no flashlight and if i did i wouldnt know what to tap. but of course it didnt. so i had to walk home from subway. it isnt that far of a walk but g'ville is not very well lit so i was not thrilled about this, but i did get my excerise in today. now tomorrow i have to walk to the daycare to drop my niece off, then over to my mechanics and give him the keys to my car, then i have to walk to work and be there by 9:30. my sis *since she is without a car now too* will be riding my bike to work. i would ride my bike but i cant ride it and carry my niece at the same time. i will be glad when my car gets fix. i just hope this doesnt change my plans to go to teresa's house after christmas. and i thank God that it happen in g'ville instead of chipley or on 77 esp since i didnt have my cell. but as i said in the beginning WHAT A DAY

2002-12-16T13:41:00.000-06:00

yup leaving todya.. actually as soon as I pack my car - I just saw ralph. ICK. bye ya'll.

2002-12-16T13:36:00.000-06:00

OKay so I'm still not sure if I'm leaving today or tomorrow... I'm about to take a shower and I'll decide when I get out - mom has some indication I'm thinking of coming home early at least ...

So two things I've noticed: Reading is very relaxing. I really do need to make time for that more often - even if it does seem like I'm spoiling myself when I do. I should be used to being spoiled by now anyway.

2. Jesus is the most important thing in life. Now I know that's a startling revelation for most of you but I did what I knew would be so easy to do the last couple weeks. I put Himf off. I mean he's always there, right? Just turn to Him when I have the time? Nah you make the time. Even in my never ending horrid quest of do I want a guy or not, and even if I do will he ever get around to finding me, I've found that I have some qualifications for a guy that I was forgetting. I thought about a guy the last couple nights, by accident, who truly showed me what a Godly man is....

I want my guy to want God above me, no exceptions. I want to be the second priority in His life.. well eventually... But God has to be number one for him.
I don't want my relationship with a guy to become more important to me than my relationship with my savior. My key question in this is "If we wer at the alter right now, getting married, and Christ returned would I be dissappointed I didn't get to get married?" Not that it's wrong to want that I just want to want Christ more.
He's got to be a spiritual leader. I want a guy that'll take the time to lead me in devotions after a date - like us spending time with God is more important than just each other. If I ever get married I want that in my marriage so it seems to make a lot more sense to build it into dating..
I want a guy who's prayerful. I don't want a guy looking for me I want a guy God leads to me.
I want to be his second best friend... again eventually.
I want to only want him/this if God wants it for me. If he has a better ministry for me outside of marriage I want to be resolved to that. If he wants to bless me with a husband I can minister with... all the better.
I want to honor God with whatever I do.

Hmm Now all I have to do is stick with this. This'll be an interesting break I have a feeling...

And Rosie, I'm praying for her and her husband, and you as well. Don't feel bad about taking this hard yourself.

2002-12-15T12:11:00.000-06:00

man last night i was trying to download some songs of of the internet using IRC, it was giving me a headache. i didnt understand any of it. so scotty told me to use kazaa. he was right it is a lot easier.

but on a sad note. i very good friend of mine was expecting her first child, she had just found out and was so happy about, i was happy for her, but yesterday she had a miscarriage. it is so sad, i dont know what to do for her besides pray. she knows im her for her and will do anything she wants me to. i just dont know what to say or do. please pray for her and her husband and the rest of her family and friends, im sure we all will take this hard, esp those of us who know how much she wanted a baby.

2002-12-14T23:58:00.000-06:00

Okay So I got a good bit accomplished tonight - commenting system looks better - don't think that means it *works* better.

I got the profiles up a few minutes ago... Go look at that... Like Rosie's picture? I couldn't find a non-detestable picture of me so I went with one that kinda matched hers...

Two more side notes: I hate Rosie's sister too. JavaScript bytes.

Okay.. I'm done for the night.

-out

2002-12-14T23:17:00.000-06:00

so today was a long day. i cleaned house this morning, hung out with donna for a little while this afternoon then went to work. come home take a shower get on computer to talk to friends. my sis comes home and tells me that she got kissed tonight by this really cute guy. I HATE HER!!!! i mean come on she is still married yet she has guys asking her out and kissing her, she even has a baby. what the heck is going on. man this sucks.

i also got a "c" in speech which really sucks. i shouldve had a "B". oh well. i miss my friends all ready. some havent even left yet, but i havent seen them since wed. mabye i will see them sometime before they leave. at least i have AIM to communicate with them.

so what do ya'll think of our new look for the site???? leave comments.

2002-12-14T14:58:00.000-06:00

Wow - I think I got done everything Rosie wanted except the couple of coming additions - if I see Rosie I can get two up tonight, the other... might be a while in coming my sister has to send me an application - it might never come if I don't feel like it - nothing major don't get your hopes up. Anyway we should have more content once Rosie gets me pictures to scan and I get another couple of little pages up. Hope ya'll like the changes Leave lots of comments. - Oh yeah commenting system gets revamped too but I have to get her password to do it. Not much more to go.

2002-12-14T12:48:00.000-06:00

Editing this morning - just making little changes til Rosie gets around to sending me what else she wants on here :-) Ignore the sawdust.

2002-12-13T17:24:00.000-06:00

I'm the dumbest person you know... pt 2
read my blog below before you read this one.. Rosie take a sedative first

Jason messaged me again tonight... See it's really strange when Jason messages me.. I usually message him - usually I want something or at least help with something (tech question 99% of the time). Well he actually messaged me first this morning too.. He had a mac question - sad that I'm still his first resource on that... The conversation eventaully got to me asking the below.. So he messaged me tonight with what would appear to be a really random question. I'll just enter the conversation below :

Jason (5:22:37 PM): *poke*
Wendy (5:22:40 PM): hihi
Jason (5:22:58 PM): question, will you ever go to another con?
a convention.. a gathering of our mutual friends.. he attends several.. I attended one.. with him.
Wendy (5:23:16 PM): strange question.. I doubt it
Jason (5:23:31 PM): just wondering.
Wendy (5:23:40 PM): why ya ask?
Jason (5:24:52 PM): just wondering. figured probably the only way we'd ever see each other in person again is at a con, since it's unlikely I'll ever get to Florida again and you probably wont ever come up to DC.

After that we talked about me moving to AL (I never told him when I moved out of the dorm.) and pretty quick after that he had to leave (He was at work going home)

So needless to say I'm confused...

Programming.. must program to distract my mind.. of course what I'm programming I keep asking him or his roommate for help with... AUGH.

-out (of my freakin mind)

2002-12-13T09:44:00.000-06:00

I'm the dumbest person you know...

So against my better judgement, and the advice of every friend that knew I was mental enough to think of asking... I asked him..

So I'm crying.. I think I got the answer I wanted to hear but it's still so sad... I'm so glad things worked out like they did..

"Not exactly a soup question is it?" - Finding Forrester is a great movie....

This probably doesn't make anysense... sorry..

-out

Oh yeah.. He would have married me.

2002-12-13T00:14:00.000-06:00

oh i hurt

well for my first time ice skating i think i did pretty well. i only fell 4 times and didnt break anything and so far no bruises. but it was a lot of fun. and falling on the ice really doesnt hurt all that bad, at least not compared to falling on the road in rollerblades. but i must say ice skaters skate completely different from rollerbladers. wendy was trying to teach me how to ICE skate but that didnt happen. hey i was doing good staying up my way. but yeah it was a lot of fun and i kept wendy from flirting with guys all nite until we went to eat then she flirted with our waiter. so im going to go crawl into bed while i still have the capablity to move.

2002-12-12T23:31:00.000-06:00

I was a good girl...

Really - well mostly... I only flirted with one guy tonight.. well only flirted bad with one guy tonight.. and I flirt with him anyway. So much fun..

Oh yeah and I also brought Rosie back safe and sound .No broken bones, probably only one semi-major bruise... and I only laughed a little when she fell... But I fell myself to make her feel better :-D

Now only if I can figure out what happened to my mouth tonight - I was totally out of character... The dolphin in pajamas stole my brain maybe...

Oh yeah, and the oompa loompas on the roof are crying... isn't that sad?... Yeah, poor Josh... ;)

2002-12-11T23:24:00.000-06:00

My crackheaded quote of the night: "Well at least everything wasn't blown up, that's the important thing.." Random..

Anyway I wrote this huge horrible long blog - see it at wendy's corner

Yeah another shameless plug... but actually I didn't want something that long taking up some much space on here.

Second crackheaded quote of the night (well not just tonight - one of my standing favorites.): Now all of you go away - I'm not you're type. I'm not inflatable.

-out

2002-12-11T21:12:00.000-06:00

so yeah, im done with my finals. YAY!!!! im finished, lalalalalala. ok im happy. i went to marianna tonight for church and when i got there no one was there, i dont know if i was really early or what so i just left, i drove around awhile just thinking about some things, which is probably better that i did that instead of going to church *no im not a heathen*. but i really did some thinking that helped me out a lot.

so i got directions to teresa's house today from john. at least i will get out of g'ville for a week, its better than nothing.
me and wendy are going ice skating tomorrow. we will probably post the pics from it in about a month, ;) *hopefully there wont be any of me in the emergency room*.

so yeah im just rambling, i totally lost the train of thought i had before i started this so im just going to quit for now. maybe i will think of what i wanted to say later and blog it. if not oh well.

2002-12-10T20:43:00.000-06:00

so im down to one final left. i have my speech final tomorrow at 1 and then im done for this semester. my friends will be leaving me soon, im not looking forward to this. fozzy leaves thursday, i might not get to see him again before then. as for my other friends im not sure as to the day they are leaving. i will miss them all, some more so than others. im off for the next 3 days, i finally have a fri nite off. no plans yet but that will soon be changed. thurs me and wendy are going ice skating, fun maybe i wont hurt myself. and tomorrow i will take my final and then go to church in marianna tomorrow nite. i really enjoy weds nites i love the church i have been going to on wed nites. the praise band is really good. i couple of the guys in it go to the college. so anyway me and wendy are fixin to watch a movie. nite.

oh by the way wendy is a dolphine.